Need to influence people? Uncover their interests

Influencing people is like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel: there’s not one set path for how to do it; instead you have lots of options and lots of possible outcomes. But if you want to be successful, one thing is true: you need to know how to identify and address the interests of the person you’re trying to influence.

Tip! In an earlier post I wrote about authority and influence. The ideas I shared there compliment this post. Check it out.

What are interests?

The simplest way to explain an interest is with an iceberg metaphor. If you’ve done conflict resolution training, you’ve probably seen this, though the metaphor applies to a lot of situations – not just to conflict.

 

 

A position refers to what a person says she wants, needs, or deserves from another person, or for herself or someone else.

An interest is an underlying need that motivates a person to take a specific position.

For example:

“My direct reports need to try to solve their problems before bringing them to me.” – that’s a position

What underlying interests might motivate a manager to state this position?

A need to: build team members’ self-confidence; strengthen team members’ reliance on each other; and free up time to address more complex problems

People’s interests motivate them to think and act in certain ways; therefore, knowing a person’s interests can help you construct arguments, frame concerns, and even interact with them in ways that connect to the things that matter most to them and are most likely to influence their behavior.

How to uncover interests

Because interests are hidden beneath the surface, they can be hard to find. Our biases, assumptions, positions, judgments and feelings can get in the way of seeing a person’s actual interests. We often get fixated on people’s positions and never uncover the things that actually matter most to people.

Recently, one of my clients was told by her manager to copy him on all of the emails she sends to her team. She was surprised and angry, and we were talking about how she should respond.

We’d been working with the concept of interests and I asked her, “What do you think your manager’s interests are here? Why does he want you to do this?”

She answered, “I think he feels threatened by me.”

I asked, “Is feeling threatened an interest?”

She said, “Yeah, I think that’s what’s motivating him to tell me to copy him on everything.”

So I clarified that feeling threatened isn’t actually an interest – it’s a feeling, and in this case, it’s also an assumption on my client’s part.

After talking more and reflecting more objectively on the situation and on previous conversations with her manager, she said, “It’s possible that this has something to do with decision making. He’s said a few times that he wants to be better informed so he can make good decisions for the team.”

I asked, “Is being able to make good decisions on behalf of the team an interest?”

We agreed that it is. Her manager’s need to make good decisions for the team could be the reason underlying his request.

My client acknowledged that she would need to talk to her boss and confirm whether this interest was accurate or not, and whether there were other interests motivating his actions. Once she understood his interests, then she would be in a position to try and influence him.

Being able to identify interests requires having a conversations, using active listening, and asking questions that prompt a person to talk about why they want or need something or feel a certain way.

Try using these questions when you need to identify interests:

• It sounds like [position] is really important to you. Tell me more about that.
• Help me understand why [position] is important.
• What are the reasons why you need [position]?
• How will [position] help you/the team/organization, etc.?
• How will [position] help solve the problem of [state problem]?
• What other ideas did you consider before you landed where you did?

When to use interests to influence

It’s impossible to list all of the situations where you might want to influence someone and where you can use interests to do that. But here are five common situations where you should be prepared to influence using interests:

1. You see a risk to doing something that someone else doesn’t.
2. You see an opportunity which someone else overlooks or perceives as a risk.
3. You disagree with what someone says and want to change their thinking.
4. You disagree with someone’s actions or decisions and want to change what they do.
5. You have an idea or position that you want others to buy into.

Let’s get concrete. Imagine the following scenario:

The pandemic is over and your boss announces that people can no longer work from home. She says she’s deeply concerned that trust is deteriorating between team members and thinks that one reason for this is because everyone works from home. Your boss believes that having daily in-person interaction will resolve this problem.

You strongly disagree with your boss’s decision. You and your colleagues value the flexibility and productivity that comes with working from home. You agree that trust within the team has declined over the past year, but disagree that working from home is the cause.

In fact, you’ve noticed that people’s stress levels are much lower when they work from home, which makes them more patient, communicative and collaborative, which actually helps build trust. You see risks and opportunities that your boss doesn’t, which makes this an important opportunity to influence her

She’s told you that her interest is to have a high level of trust within your team. Requiring people to come into the office is her way to solve the trust problem. If you’re going to get her to rethink her decision, you need to help her see how requiring people to come back to the office could be bad for trust. Ideally, you also want to offer alternative ways to rebuild trust.

How to influence with interests

If you want to change your boss’s decision about working from home, here’s how you could use her interests to try and influence her. Importantly, the strategies below aren’t meant to be a step-by-step process, nor can they be applied to every situation where you need to influence someone. Rather, these strategies illustrate how you can use a person’s interests to encourage them to think or act in different ways.

1 – Initiate the conversation by focusing on her interest (not her position).

“I’d like to talk to you about trust within the team. Can we find a time to do that?”

2 – Clearly state her interest.

“I know that having a high level of trust within our team is something you really value.”

3 – Tell your boss about the opportunities and risks you see, and tie your concerns to her interest.

“I’ve noticed that people are a lot less stressed when they work from home. Being less stressed makes us more patient with each other, more willing to engage in chit chat, and more open to collaboration, which has been good for building trust. I think it’s likely that people’s stress levels will increase if they’re in the office every day. I’m concerned that higher stress levels will make people less patient and collaborative, and actually hurt the trust we’re slowly rebuilding.”

4 – Explore whether your boss is willing to look at alternative ways to address her interest.

“I have some ideas about other ways we can fix trust within the team. Would you be interested in hearing them?”

5 – Propose alternative solutions, and explain how they can satisfy your boss’s interests:

“In my last job, trust building was also something we had to work on. One thing we did that was quick and easy to implement and really effective was having people turn video on during virtual calls. People reported feeling more connected and more engaged with each other when their video was on, and that helped strengthen communication and trust.”

These five strategies can be used in a variety of situations, and you may find that some – like #’s 1, 2, and 5 – apply in most situations, whereas #’s 3 and 4 are more situational.

Final thoughts

Interests are powerful. They motivate how we think and act. When we take the time to uncover and understand a person’s interests, we gain insight into why they want or need certain things for themselves and for others.

This insight helps us influence people. When we know what matters to a person, we can anticipate and address their concerns, and tailor our proposals, ideas and arguments based on their interests.

Influencing people using interests doesn’t guarantee success 100% of the time, but it will dramatically increase people’s willingness to listen to you. Using interests to influence also ensures that you’re using time and energy to talk about the issues that matter most and have the greatest chance of driving change.